Commiting your ideas to posts such as these takes discipline. I have clearly been somewhat undisciplined in writing down my thoughts for about 5 years. That is not to say that I haven't been thinking about anything of interest, or worthy of posting to my blog. It's just that somehow i've not seen the point.
In my previous post (from 2019) I alluded to a massive departure in my life and the promise of exploring new territory. This has been my life for the last 5 years. I am not going to summarise what has happened, where it happened, or who has been involved. It is an assumption that, if you are reading this, one of two possibilities exist. 1) you know me well enough to know what has happened in my life, or 2) you are me, reading back over my life.
A long anticipated, planned for, and subsequently cancelled on two occasions, journey is very likely to be taking place this year. Now, given that this plan has failed twice before, I am being realistic about the possibility that life will throw me another curve-ball and the plan will be put back on the shelf to reside with other unfulfilled dreams.
Perhaps it is because I am about to turn 60 that I have decided to look again at those plans; to stop pretending that I have an unlimited amount of life ahead of me in which to achieve all of the things that I have been delaying for a later time. Also, having recently spent some time in South Korea, my love of travelling and exploring new places has been re-kindled.
Again, my last post clearly shows my enthusiasm for going off-pieste and not just fumbling along on a predictable path. Being out of my comfort zone does bring a certain excitement in me. Knowing that I have to negotiate challenges along the way is quite liberating. I am not one for making very specific plans; I like to have a rough idea of what I am doing and then just making it work somehow.
Flying solo is fun. Being the master of your own destiny and not having to accomodate the needs and wishes of others gives you a profound sense of who you actually are. There is a lot of talk about finding your 'authentic self' in the popular psychological and self-help texts these days. I was writing about this in my thesis nearly a decade ago, but it is nice to know that the rest of the world is now waking up to the idea that the person you actually are, and the person that is presented to the world are not necessarily the same thing. When you are faced with challenges and there is no one else around to fall back on, you are left with your own individual means with which to create solutions. In fact, the goal of the solution itself is a reflection of your own deep motivations and goals. What is valuable to you is not always compatible with the values of others.
I value being independent of others, of trusting my own instincts, and finding my own way.
This is not to say that I don't enjoy the company of others, I do. I have some wonderful friends in my life and to be with them is a joy. But the times when I feel most contented are those when I can just enjoy my own company.
So, this year I will start blowing the dust off of those long forgotten dreams and will see about how I might bring them to life.
